One Step Further

Earlier this week, I was given the opportunity to serve as the Key Note Speaker for the first day of the Youth Leadership Conference. Can you guess what I spoke about? Well, after sharing Healthy, Beautiful, Confident, specifically the confidence aspect, we had a Q&A session which prompted me to write this post! I was asked a few questions relevant to HBC that are not directly addressed within the program, so I thought to share those questions, along with my answers to them, in order to further support the HBC initiative, as well as to provide answers to blog viewers who may have similar questions. Here are a few of the questions:

1. You mentioned that focusing on positive qualities and accomplishments is a key way to boost confidence. What advice do you have for those who really have a tough time looking past their downfalls or faults?
My Answer: My advice is to understand that it takes time. You won't just wake up one day and be able to look past any mistakes or shortcomings, but in the meantime you can "train" yourself to think confidently. One of the best ways to focus on positives is to write them down! Being good at art or soccer, or being able to make someone laugh, wiggling your ears, anything! Write it down and read it and it'll make you feel good about yourself. Eventually, you'll learn to make the positives outweigh any negatives! 

2. When you speak about being confident are you talking about only being confident in the way you look?
My Answer: Of course not! Confidence, as I stated in the speech, is something that is of essence in anything that you do in life, whether it be taking a test, working on a project or sport, or having the confidence to refrain from comparing yourself to others. I truly believe that it's hard to do anything in life without having some confidence.

3. What advice can you give to those of us who have subordinates who don't have high self-esteem? What can we do to build their confidence up?
My Answer: Sinilarly to training yourself to be confident and think positively, you want to highlight someone's accomplishments. Praise them when they do something right and make them feel like they're not just doing something because they have to do it. Compliment someone's strengths rather than magnifying their weaknesses. On the occasional slip up, of course they need to understand that something wasn't done correctly, but also give them encouragemt and say that there's always next time! 

4. What advice do you have for people who don't take constructive criticism well? How should we, as leaders, give constructive criticism without harming someone else's confidence?
My Answer: I was once on of those people. I didn't like to hear others speak negatively of me, constructively or otherwise. The way I learned to deal with, and even appreciate, constructive criticism was to take time to really think about what I was being told. In the moment, it's kind of a natural reaction to become defensive and have objections, but when you really review and take the criticisms to heart you'll realize that maybe the person is right and their advice will help you perform better, in whatever it is that you're doing. So with your subordinates, try to be gentle and also make sure they know that you mean well. Let them know that what you're saying is for their benefit because you want to see them do well. Let them know that it's because you care about them! 

5. How do you respond to negative criticism? How do you handle negative attitudes that are directed towards you?
My Answer: Well, since it was brought up, I'm just going to tell you a story that has to do with the question. Before I competed in this pageant, I didn't tell very many people except family and close friends. The few people who did know, increasing in number as the pageant grew nearer, seamed excited for me and genuinely happy. After I won, however, some attitudes changed, and it was hard to deal with because these were people I had gone to school with for years. I had classes with them and talked to them on a daily basis. I had to realize, though, that there was nothing wrong with me winning... At all!! Rather, the change of attitudes spoke more about the people who became negative towards me and revealed that maybe they have confidence issues of their own. Also, if they could become so negative rather than be mature enough to realize and commend someone else's accomplishments, they weren't the kind of people I wanted to be friends with after all. 

I was also asked a few questions that were not pertinent to HBC, but to being Miss Maryland Teen USA. Here are a few of those questions:

6. You said that this [being a titleholder] keeps you really busy. Do you focus more on school or on this?
My answer: School definitely comes first! That's one of the things many people don't know about being a titleholder. This year of reign is completely revolving around, and dependent upon, my schedule. I am a full time student and I also have a job, but I'm very organized and I've been able to keep what I like to call a "busy balance" between everything. If I'm available to do an appearance or activity with the title I will absolutely do it, but if I have a lot of homework or if I need to study for a final, that's the priority.

7. Will you compete for Miss Maryland USA one day?
My Answer: I would like to! I've thoroughly enjoyed my reign this far and I just love being able to make such an impact on others through my platform, volunteering, and being involved in the community. If I were to become Miss Maryland USA I think it would be great to continue to do all of those things on an even bigger platform! 

8. What do you say to people who don't understand pageants or have negative opinions about pageants?
My Answer: I actually face this on a regular basis now. The other day, in fact, a young woman expressed to me that she believes that pageants are demeaning and that women should focus their efforts on professional skills, careers, and other life skills. While I respect her opinion, I know that pageants only enhance each of the skills that she had mentioned, and more! I went on to explain that pageants are excellent ways to build confidence, network, further professional and social skills, and showcase talents and abilities, among providing many other benefits. I tell people that they should try something out for themselves before making calls. I'm very big on seeing all aspects of a situation and putting situations into perspective before passing judgement! 

To top the night off, I was approached by one of the attendees who made the night so much sweeter. This young woman thanked me for speaking and shared with me that she once suffered from an eating disorder. She went on to say that she really appreciated my words and that I am a huge inspiration to her. Right then, my eyes glossed. She thanked me for inspiring her, but I would like to extend my thanks to her. She is part of the inspiration behind what I am doing, along with the many other people that the HBC program reaches. Moments like the one I shared with this young woman are what truly matters. These are the moments that drive me to continue sharing the HBC message. Thank you for making my night:)